The first step

Hi... I am an addict.

They say the first step on the road to recovery is admitting you have an addiction. And it isn't as easy to do as it sounds. I, like many other addicts, like to think they can manage their addiction instead of the other way around. However, usually it isn't always the case. In my case, I am not sure it's true and even if it is right now, it hasn't always been.

I have decided to start this blog as a way of documenting my story. It is absolutely not the feel good hit of the year. It is a tale of how a successful, professional, educated, well traveled, established guy went from being married with a great paying job and a nice house full of all the modern amenities to someone who spent a few weeks homeless spending nights on park benches or hopping from one drug fueled sex party to the next just for a place to spend the night. It will tell how I went from traveling the world to not being firmly planted in the real world. It speaks to how running from reality became nearly drowning in it. I hope to share how I went from having tons of friends who I spent quality time with and who cared about me to being surrounded by drug seeking parasites, who only cared about doing themselves and taking advantage of me to the fullest extent that I would allow them... and unfortunately, I gave them great latitude.

I should warn you now, this isn't a pretty story. I am afraid I am not going to come out looking like the intelligent person I once thought I was. And sadly, the things I have done and the decisions I have made are not likely to endear me to the readers of this blog. I intend on keeping the blog anonymous to allow myself to be as honest as possible with the things that I write, as I am sort of using this as part of my therapy. Hopefully it will help me to discover the truth, and allow me the insights needed to guide my own recovery. Buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. But the good news, it hopefully is going to have a happy ending. Because ultimately, it's also the story of my recovery and of how I took my life back. So, here we go folks. Stay tuned.

Welcome to Disturbia

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas, in the red, can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said, can't even speak about it
On my life, on my head, don't wanna think about it
Feels like I'm going insane, yeah

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind, it can control you
It's too close for comfort

Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise

Your mind's in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia

Faded pictures on the wall, it's like they talking to me
Disconnecting on calls, the phone don't even ring
I gotta get out or figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort, oh

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
I feel like a monster, oh

Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise


Your mind's in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia, disturbia

Release me from this curse I'm in
Trying to maintain but I'm struggling
If you can't go-o-o
I think I'm gonna ah, ah, ah, ah

Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise

Disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia

Lyrics to Disturbia by Rihanna